No More Sleep

Within the sanctuary walls
the people were sleeping soundly.
And every time the sun did fall
No more worries in their county.

Until one day
the peace had broke,
and the people
were awoken.

Now all their dreams
were distant gleams
of a time that
was once hopeful.

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The Respite is Over

 

A thick fog that I once knew well

has decided it would return

to where it once dwelled.

Haze envelops and encompasses

old memories and current thoughts

clouding my perspective and hindering

my best judgement.

 

Over a year ago now my mind was clear,

last October. 2014 was the year,

The blinding billowing clouds

that provided shade to my soul

were blown away by a change.

A whole new me,

Unrecognizable but by name.

 

The Change came on slow.

It came as drops of water from

a ceiling, and I the bucket underneath

collecting little droplets

that began to alter me.

And by February I was nearly full

A different bucket than from before.

 

I could barely recognize the person

standing in front of the mirror.

For better or for worse

my mind was now far clearer.

The mist that muddled my mind

no longer cushioned my

ego, emotion, and essence.

 

I had for the first time in a long time

become vulnerable and open.

I allowed people in

and no longer felt so broken.

But it was only a matter of time before

eagerness and excitement faded away

into anxiety, at least not today.

 

In June with the sun shining hot,

a sweltering woman entered my life,

sitting here now, I wish she had not.

She burned away flesh and muscle

exposing my bones and soul.

And she embraced my shambling body

before she let me go.

 

Now all these months later

that pile of bones has slowly reassembled

and it resembles that man who encountered

all that scary change so rapidly.

But unfortunately, his mind has been infested.

A fog has taken over

and returns him to his slumber.

 

Strange Awakening

I went to bed yesterday a child,

And today awoke a man.

My surprise was far from mild.

My childhood took one look ahead and ran

Because this adulthood is scary.

It has frightened my innocence away .

The adolescent thoughts that made me merry

Were replaced with repetitious thoughts of pain.

Waning is the vigor I once had

And I’m not trying to say it’s all bad

I just remember what it was like before I was sad

And I really wish that I could go back.

 

If I Ever Grew Tired

Looking back its hard to imagine

spending my time with anyone else.

We stopped just short of becoming tragic,

and now I have to learn to be by myself.

I know this is the best for the both of us.

So here we are, separate,

And here I am, desperate.

I thought that after all this time

That you would have faded from my mind.

I can no longer resist your mental intrusions

They pull me back into the illusion.

I expected to grow tired of these notions

But eons have passed and still I feel broken.

I miss you a lot,

and not a day goes by

where you are not in my thoughts.

You were the glimmer in my eye.

Get Over It

Easier said than done

Considering how far we’ve come.

You snuck up from behind

And swept me off my feet.

Now nightly in my mind

I rewind

to when things between us weren’t so bleak.

When you would see my face and smile

While I did just the same.

The joy I felt hearing your name

has turned into regret and pain.

And I bet,

that weeks from now,

maybe even months,

or years

I’ll remember your face

and be brought to tears.

 

If someone told me I could forget it all,

Without hesitation, I would heed their call.

Rather than crash into the looming wall

of misery and pain that plaques me

when thoughts of you enter my brain.

Your love left a stain darling

when you flew off like a starling.

 

Just a Piece

I am a puzzle piece.

Born to fit with those like me

to form a masterpiece.

While young we accept this serenity,

But maturation brings separation.

Those who fit into our very being

don’t connect like they once did.

In desperation we fight this feeling,

To no avail, the puzzle is broken.

Stray pieces hope to find another

Place where they can fit.

But what most desire they will not get.

Only the lucky ones find some pieces

that fit better then they did before.

 

Waiting for the Impact.

It’s been about thirty minutes since my little brother James got up to use the bathroom. I wouldn’t be too surprised if he hopped the fence to be with his girlfriend for the big show. That leaves Mom, Dad, our cat Badger, and myself, all crowded around the television. Badger was the only one present whose eyes were not fixed on the images shown on the television. In one corner of the screen in a small box were three anchors, waxing poetic on the matter at hand. The focal point on the screen though, was the gigantic rock engulfed in flame, burning a hole in the seemingly endless blackness around it. This meteorite was headed straight for planet Earth. Our best and brightest all came together months ago to combat this foe, and only recently was it made public that they had failed. Six days ago if I remember correctly. Most of the world had already put this impending doom to the back of their minds, like myself. We had all assumed that they would find a solution, and we were all put in shock by the news that they had not found one. The events that ensued were predictable. Mass riots, looting, world powers bickering and threatening to end it all just a bit earlier. All that settled down yesterday though, as people realized that there wasn’t much time left, and spending it on that nonsense was fruitless. Right now many families just like my own are all watching their televisions final newscast. Obviously the anchors and crews all deserve to meet the end with their families too. As the newscast drew to a close, a timer came up that read “12:00.” It began to count down and we sat still, watching the screen with blank expressions.

After the countdown started, my mother called James, telling him that although she wished he would be here right now, she understands why he left, and that she loves him. My father took the phone as well, hand trembling, fighting back some shaky demon from within. “I love you James.” He handed the phone back to mom, who looked towards me. I looked down, motioning my disinterest to her, “Tell him I love him too.” She relayed my message, hung up the phone and proceeded to lay down on the couch next to my father. They looked comfortable, and content. I was not. The true weight of the situation was not hitting me, and it annoyed the fuck out of me. It’s like my mind refused to accept that there would be no tomorrow. Grabbing my favorite shoe box, I headed outside and unpacked a small pipe and some marijuana from it. I smoked that weed in the hot midday Texas sun, scanning the pale blue horizon for a burning stone. To no avail, I ashed my pipe, and pulled out my phone. I figured social media would be dead, considering this should be time spent with your loved ones. I can’t say I was too surprised when I saw more activity on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat then I had in months. People posting pictures and videos of them and their loved ones smiling, laughing, acting like the world was not ending. Who were they posting these pictures for? No one would be here to see them in a days time. As I scrolled through Facebook’s feed, I came across my most recent ex. She was with her family, and seemed happy enough. That’s when it really hit me.

I now realized the weight of the situation staring at Veronica’s pictures. In less than a day, I would no longer see her face. The goofy smile she had as we laughed at the people walking past our table at the food court. I would no longer remember her scent, which was never too powerful or loud, but it was distinct. I would no longer miss her curling up in my arms at night. It had been weeks since our breakup, but I still yearn for her warmth. I guess it is not entirely bad, seeing that I would no longer have to deal with her lies. Like when she told me time and time again that her friend Pete was gay. He wasn’t. Those multiple slumber parties sure sounded fun. I would no longer have to deal with her hurtful comments and observations. Like when she told me I was the worst looking boyfriend she’s ever had, followed by a swift and insincere apology. It’s true she was a pretty awful person, but the time we spent together was magical. The true cost of the leviathan to come was now apparent to me. I do not believe in a God, so to me, this is it. After tonight, I will cease to have memories, feelings, and thoughts.

My last few hours consisted of me finishing “Lost” finally, eating mass quantities of food, and crying, mostly because of I disappointed I was with “Lost.” When the final five minutes finally came, my family and myself gathered on the porch. My mom watched the approaching meteorite, my dad laughed at Badger playing with the insects, and I looked at my parents. Three minutes remained. My brother came scrambling up the fence. He wanted to spend the last three minutes with us. He handed me my phone, asking why it was in his girlfriends yard. I shrugged. Two missed calls from Veronica. I unlocked my phone, and sent her a message that read, “Hope you had a great last day, good luck in the future, I’ll always love you.” One minute remained. The read receipt came on, and I saw her start to type. Thirty seconds remained. She had stopped typing. I smirked, knowing she did not want to respond with another lie like “I love you too.” It was close now. My family got closer. I closed my eyes.