Feigning Ignorance

Without hesitation he walked away
Continuing on with his day
Acting as if he had not just seen,
An act of nature so obscene .

Those who saw the heinous act
Stared in awe as he turned his back.
But was it because he did not care?
Was there a reason he did not stare?

As others watched, he pressed on through.
He knew that he had things to do.
As they watched, and has he left
The scene continued to be grotesque.

Feigning ignorance
Was his deliverance.

Sinners in Ignorance

How can you repent sins that you are ignorant of?

Ignorance of sins committed from joy and love.

To the devout and saintly, these transgressions are plain as day,

But those surrounded by heathens will not have that much to say.

Some sinners convince others of their grace and virtuousness,

Those who believe these words stay content, because ignorance is bliss.

 

To those who wake from their blissful dreams

whose reality starts to tear apart at the seams.

As they look back at the aftermath

Of all the hurt that has because of them amassed

A shock will run down their spine

A shock that doesn’t go away with time.

 

To live in blissful ignorance

or a catatonic indifference

 

To live absentminded of the horror

or knowingly in Sodom and Gomorrah.

Courage

If I had the courage to step into the night

I would have seen the stars long ago.

This flickering lamp has lost its will to fight

And now its light speaks to me in Morse code.

To say I could decipher its message would be a lie.

At best I can guess its intent as I wait for it to die.

 

The truth is, I am a terrible coward.

A sinner of vast proportions who painted himself a saint.

Walled off in a lonely tower of my design.

“Why did they leave me here?” Is now my constant complaint.

Now I dwell only on these stars

Who in my sleep request to hear my memoirs.

 

But I am still afraid

To step past the line

and into the fade

I tell myself that I will be fine

But in this tower I will deteriorate

Until my memories no longer hold this weight.

P(1+r/n)nt

The first years were spent feeling overwhelmed.

All these sensations sending signals through synapses,

which I had yet to learn about. I had no concept

of the time or space around me, and my survival

depended on an unlikely couple.

They were so in love back then.

They led me, fed me, and lay me to bed.

The first years were spent.

 

Those later years, I stepped forth

into America and kindergarten.

I remember my first week there,

the teacher read a letter that was a response

to a letter sent by the class

before my arrival in the school.

The reply was from George W. Bush.

On the backside of the reply she was reading,

was a picture of the man himself.

Being new to the country and around five

years of age, my knowledge on the man

was considerably limited. Later that year,

2001, I started first grade.

I began learning the culture.

Then those later years took a step back.

 

Those teenage years were so bittersweet.

Turns out acclimating to a culture is bit of

an uphill battle while attending Catholic school.

Seeing the changing tide, my mother pulled

my from the blood of Christ, placing me

in the hands of Uncle Sam. I would become a

teen in the tumultuous tightly packed halls

of public middle school. I remember little

from this time but the girls I liked, games

I played , and guys I spent time with.

Maybe these foggy years would

have been more visible I had not spent

them behind a haze of odorous smoke and vapor.

Having left my teenage years, looking back

is bittersweet.

 

So here I am, an adult.

Or at least that’s what the world would tell me.

I don’t feel like one.

Those first years of being carted around,

seem distant now.

That culture I didn’t understand in the years after,

is something that I am now a part of.

And all those girls I thought I loved,

they came to pass.

That large mass of friends that I once had

withered down by time and distance.

So here I am.

An adult.

Moving towards the day

where I finally feel like one.

 

The Respite is Over

 

A thick fog that I once knew well

has decided it would return

to where it once dwelled.

Haze envelops and encompasses

old memories and current thoughts

clouding my perspective and hindering

my best judgement.

 

Over a year ago now my mind was clear,

last October. 2014 was the year,

The blinding billowing clouds

that provided shade to my soul

were blown away by a change.

A whole new me,

Unrecognizable but by name.

 

The Change came on slow.

It came as drops of water from

a ceiling, and I the bucket underneath

collecting little droplets

that began to alter me.

And by February I was nearly full

A different bucket than from before.

 

I could barely recognize the person

standing in front of the mirror.

For better or for worse

my mind was now far clearer.

The mist that muddled my mind

no longer cushioned my

ego, emotion, and essence.

 

I had for the first time in a long time

become vulnerable and open.

I allowed people in

and no longer felt so broken.

But it was only a matter of time before

eagerness and excitement faded away

into anxiety, at least not today.

 

In June with the sun shining hot,

a sweltering woman entered my life,

sitting here now, I wish she had not.

She burned away flesh and muscle

exposing my bones and soul.

And she embraced my shambling body

before she let me go.

 

Now all these months later

that pile of bones has slowly reassembled

and it resembles that man who encountered

all that scary change so rapidly.

But unfortunately, his mind has been infested.

A fog has taken over

and returns him to his slumber.

 

Strange Awakening

I went to bed yesterday a child,

And today awoke a man.

My surprise was far from mild.

My childhood took one look ahead and ran

Because this adulthood is scary.

It has frightened my innocence away .

The adolescent thoughts that made me merry

Were replaced with repetitious thoughts of pain.

Waning is the vigor I once had

And I’m not trying to say it’s all bad

I just remember what it was like before I was sad

And I really wish that I could go back.

 

If I Ever Grew Tired

Looking back its hard to imagine

spending my time with anyone else.

We stopped just short of becoming tragic,

and now I have to learn to be by myself.

I know this is the best for the both of us.

So here we are, separate,

And here I am, desperate.

I thought that after all this time

That you would have faded from my mind.

I can no longer resist your mental intrusions

Because for just a moment it brings back the illusion.

I expected to grow tired of these notions

But eons have passed and still I feel broken.

I miss you a lot,

and not a day goes by

where you are not in my thoughts.

You were the glimmer in my eye.